The Angry Rabbi: I was in St. Croix, on Humbug road, in the boonies...
Grand High Pontiff: what did you do?
The Angry Rabbi: I put a new roof on a church.
The Angry Rabbi: And painted it with that water proof stuff.
Grand High Pontiff: paint?
The Angry Rabbi: Well... sorta.
The Angry Rabbi: It's a sealent really.
Grand High Pontiff: ahh

The Angry Rabbi: I met a wise old St. Croixian woman this week.
The Angry Rabbi: She told me,
Grand High Pontiff: she told you she was wise?
The Angry Rabbi: "When dog got money, he buy cheese, when he broke, he pick peas."
Grand High Pontiff: ahh, I see. Mmm....so many levels......
The Angry Rabbi: Yeah... she was something...

The Angry Rabbi: Know what else that old woman told me?
The Angry Rabbi: This one isn't quite as profound.
Grand High Pontiff: what else?
The Angry Rabbi: "Cow head and goat head ain't one!"
The Angry Rabbi: Draw your own conclusions.
Grand High Pontiff: well she certainly has a knack for the obvious

Archpope: He'd kill people if he had dreams about them!
Brahman: hey! I do that
Brahman: and on an entirely different subject I had a funny dream involving you, come over so I can tell you, but let's have some fun: don't tell anyone you're coming over
Archpope: Sounds good to me!

Proof The God Exists:
THe Rave gneration is fatnt iincto wdisting at bor heritavei hert grfee partis the sehsne fo the beins hle close to america althouh ecstacy was used jin frei distiral dance seen in the link more tenuoius in britain ther link was firmly established going b akcc of er before anythiny th the firm drugs laswas in place in most pop ulat illkicit fun drug of the fin the gmore elements of beirith sevenpublkushec luband who particulate pronlonged wild dancing woithe girl addicts flimsy unfrock left three qyuart of her back hair left the cocsain overdose from the candcer 182 most in dance trands cartoon dope dance club more would be revell uner the shaodow of basement dives the exprees the dance as forbo ding neighborhoods hysterical laghtera nd ofling flooli

wetremeda- drink of the 21st centuration! SHA4!TIOD AHINFNS RWLLA U DW FSDAOL KLCHARLIEW PARJKWER CHJFINIDHV FKHGFGIDHYDRAXCOIBNUI" STAT BUSTDA ABFEU CIKKYSUIIB FURGTST POUVKUSGUJFDUFVDSBFGEB ECATASY AND SANCE CULTURE What baout within th4 business it sdfomr the lixses of gffrank zp too comfortable inbarked in a drug crusafde becqause too easty ot confession from hon oilate eighties fine ail;ll do twop paragrpah rackin dsong lyrics belieif thabt opops tatrs excerto some ingou most popular artists sell reocrdf misollions ogeneraltion mmmmeidoiaot uttereranceas of nusisis- --- suhfdunBNOel TGhallahe so commonplace thatri t was like geting uop and hanging a cupt of shly

as yopu know by now the an turdsday unpeacfeul purpose for mari juan kay out opad to dicscuess the meaning of the arm robbery rape objectivelt pschgologically it is less than alcholol marijuana felons the defective autpomobile is a max penalty of a marijuana with life inmprosment the real dangerous law of mythic danger for people to enforce the law of ideas like s ansd myths prop each other up americans are life is the pursuit of frightening trhe grafteful dead are residents of mis interpreataion with thwe consequences

Archpope: How was your turkeysmas?
Angry Rabbi: It was great. Made me thankful I wasn't less fortunate! That's what Turkeymas is all about.
Archpope: You have lived in the true spirit of Turkeysmas.
Angry Rabbi: Yeah, it took the visits of three spirits to make me stop caring about the poor, but now I keep the spirit of Turkeysmas in my heart all year long.
Archpope: Now you're a hardened old bastard.
Archpope: God bless you, St. Turkey!
Angry Rabbi: I heard that in Europe, St. Turkey comes every year and beats the poor with his Turkey Femur.
Angry Rabbi: They call it "The Femur of Fury!"
Archpope: They say he lives in Texas, and he has a swimming pool full of gravy that little kids keep dying in.
Archpope: No wait, that's George W. Bush.

The Angry Rabbi: Well, I'm back.
The Angry Rabbi: I had some business to take care of.
The Archpope: "Business"?
The Angry Rabbi: You know, business
The Archpope: You mean business as in "I own a small business" or business as in "the dog needs to go out and do its business"?
The Archpope: Actually, for me they're the same thing, cause my dog runs an accounting firm.
The Angry Rabbi: And my small business sells feces.
The Angry Rabbi: So, same for both of us'
The Archpope: I must point out that my dog's firm is by far the worst accounting firm in town.
The Archpope: You may say "It's amazing that a dog can even run an accounting firm," but that doesn’t' make up for the huge bookkeeping discrepancies.
The Angry Rabbi: I must also point out that my feces store is going under.
The Archpope: I guess we're both up the same creek.
The Angry Rabbi: With lack of the same paddle.
The Archpope: I'll bare-knuckle box you for it.

Guy Voodoo: Ha ha, I can't believe I got away with that murder just by pretending to be a dog.
AngryRabbi: Ahh, that's so done.
AngryRabbi: Once I got away with killing a man by pretending to be a three toed sloth.
AngryRabbi: The jury really responded to it.
Guy Voodoo: One time I got away by pretending to be a pterodactyl.
Guy Voodoo: That one was close though.
AngryRabbi: Probably not as close as the time I had to get away by pretending to be a semi-liquid pool of amino acids and nucleotides.
Guy Voodoo: I really thought I was going to get sent down when I pretended to be The Tao, the mysterious force of balance that guides all reality.
AngryRabbi: That's doesn't sound half as tough as the time when I pretended to be truth, the concept philosophers have been struggling to understand and define for eons.
AngryRabbi: I had to make that costume myself.
Guy Voodoo: Man, that's a good one, but I'm not sure I'm beat yet.
Guy Voodoo: Let me think a bit.
AngryRabbi: I'll leave you with your thoughts.
Guy Voodoo: I could argue that The Tao is more abstract than truth...
Guy Voodoo: but that would be too easy.
AngryRabbi: If anything, they're equal.
AngryRabbi: But the Tao has a definition, Truth is realitive and doesn't have a set definition.
AngryRabbi: So I say truth is more abstract.
Guy Voodoo: You're wrong there.
Guy Voodoo: The Tao is undefinable by nature.
AngryRabbi: Huh, well, so is truth. Call it a stalemate?
Guy Voodoo: Deal.
AngryRabbi: What other outcome can there be when two mental giants go at it? Excluding the following outcomes: you beating me, me beating you, or a draw.
Guy Voodoo: I could not fail to disagree with you less.

AngryRabbi: If you were a TV show I would find your concept trite and your plot line flat!
AngryRabbi: And your characters one-dimensional!
Danny Manic: If you were a bird, I'd find your plumage to be dull colored, lacking luster, and incapable of attracting a mate.
Danny Manic: And if you were a band I'd find your lead singer to be lacking in stage presence and your guitarist's solos to be tedious and masturbatory.
AngryRabbi: If you were a car I would fine you unreliable, underpowered, and prone to roll-over.
Danny Manic: If you were a stereo, I'd find your bass response to be uninspiring and your treble to be chirpy and irriating.
AngryRabbi: If you were an air conditoner, you would have insufficent BTUs for even the smallest of rooms. Furthermore, your controls are poorly designed and your mounting instructions vague.
Danny Manic: If you were a restaurant, I might say that your food was bland and your waitstaff was surly.
AngryRabbi: If you were an imported Japanese cartoon, I would tell you that your lip-snycing was poorly done and that not enough nudity was removed to give it a Y-7 rating according to the new TV ratings system.
AngryRabbi: Also, if you were an action figure, you would lack mobility and come with far too few accessories to give you any lasting value.
Danny Manic: If you were a psychologist, I'd probably find your credentials to be, on closer inspection, faulty. I might also note that your patients seemed no better off then when they started their therapy.
AngryRabbi: If you grew peas I would find that they lacked any healthy goodness and dissapointed me by their derth of green pea-ness.
Danny Manic: If you were a joystick, I'd find it unresponsive, uncomfortable, and lacking any logic in its button placement.
AngryRabbi: Were you a DVD I would be dismayed by the absence of any special features, like 5.1 and 6.2 Surround Sound coding, or directors commentary, or scene selection.
Danny Manic: If you were Penn And Teller, I'd find you to be a one-joke act.
AngryRabbi: If you were a vacuum, I'd find you lacked attachments, and didn't have sufficient power to pick up a bowling ball.
Danny Manic: If you were a digital camera, I'd notice upon opening the box that you did not have an LCD viewscreen, and that your resolution was only a paltry 640 by 480.
AngryRabbi: If you were a cordless phone, I'd recognize that you were missing volume controls, channel scanning, and your transmitter was a mere 500 Mhz.
AngryRabbi: If you were a game show I would tune in to find you a complete rip off of "The Joker's Wild"
Danny Manic: If you were a guitar, I'd find your tone to be buzzy and unpleasant and your frets to be painful to play.
AngryRabbi: If you were a pony I would find you tire quickly, eat too many oats, and your jumping ability to be subpar.
Danny Manic: If you were a wine, I'd notice that your price tag read $3.95, your bouquet to be too woody, and I'd also note that you made me drunk too quickly.
AngryRabbi: If you were a glass cleaner I would soon discover that you were hazardous to pets and children, corrosive, and irritant to the lungs. I might also discover that you don't cut grease very well.
Danny Manic: If you were a report card, I'd note that your comments were almost entirely negative, using such phrases as "lack of effort/concentration." I might also see that your grades barely put you above a 2.5 GPA.
AngryRabbi: If you were a bottle of fruit juice it would be apparent that your seal had been tampered with. You would also be too tomatoey and thick for most people's tastes.
Danny Manic: If you were a magazine, your perfume ads would make me sneeze and your content would be masked by pages and pages of ads. Also, your fatures on Celine Dion's home would lack any real architectural information.
AngryRabbi: If you were a website you would be plauged by broken links, java script errors, and a poor color scheme. You would also have one of those annoying MIDIs that plays "Can you feel the love tonight" over and over. You are also best viewed with Netscape.
Danny Manic: If you were a dog, you'd be disloyal, loud, agressive, and smelly.
AngryRabbi: If you were a Vietnimese whore I would find you overpriced, old, and unskilled in the art of love. I would also bust your lip because when you said you'd "love me long time," you lied. 20 minutes is not a long time.
Danny Manic: If you were a porn film, I'd find your starlets to be small-chested and your money shots to be yellowish and uncopious.
AngryRabbi: If you were a mint I would find you unrefreshing. You would dissolve too quickly, and leave a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. In fact, you might even make my breath smell worse.
Danny Manic: If you were a rapper, I'd find your flow to be un-fresh and your rhymes to be whack.
AngryRabbi: If you were a male porn star I would find your name, "Big Dong Dave" to be uninventive. Moreover I would consider your stamina to be pitiful and your ability to act like a fireman suspect.
Danny Manic: If you were a woman, I'd find you to be difficult, and with a tendency to twist my words around to find ways that I supposedly called you fat.
AngryRabbi: If you were a college textbook store I would consider you overpriced, your buy-back rates sadly low, and your customer service to be inadequate.
AngryRabbi: If you were a state I would find your economy stagnent, your population low, and your streets in a state of disrepair. Further more, your house of representitives is in a state of partisan gridlock.
Danny Manic: If you were a theme park, I'd find your rides either to mild and childish or too gut-wrenching, and your concession stands to be overpriced and indigestion-inducing.

Danny Manic: Wishes for Death: Anyway, I have some friends coming over apparently... so i'm going to split. send me the final conversation. You're definetely winning so far, and you can tell Ronnie I said that!
Danny Manic: I bet he told you the same thing.
AngryRabbi: He sure did! That silver tounged devil!
AngryRabbi: Wishes for Death: Anyway, I have some friends coming over apparently... so i'm going to split. send me the final conversation. You're definetely winning so far, and you can tell Dave I said that actually
Danny Manic: His antics have become to predictable.
Danny Manic: too
AngryRabbi: He doesn't put as much thought into his evil schemes as he used to.
Danny Manic: Here's what he expected us to do:
Dave: He said I was winning this argument!
Ronnie: You liar, he said I was winning!
Dave: No, I think you're lying. Surely he couldn't have told us BOTH that!
Ronnie: Your dishonesty is sure to tear our friendship apart.
Dave: I will never speak to you again.
AngryRabbi: He has made powerful enemies!

Danny Manic: Anyway, back to the issue at hand.
Danny Manic: If you were a grocery bag, you'd be flimsy and prone to rippage.
AngryRabbi: If you were a colon you would be prone to cancer and would periodically leak.
Danny Manic: If you were word, you'd be under three sylables, and most likely misspelled.
AngryRabbi: If you were an MP3 you would be incomplete, furthermore, you would be a mere 64Kbps and only 22khz. Naturally, you would be mono. Listening to you would be tourture.
Danny Manic: If you were a dance, you'd be poorly choreographed and would result in the leader stepping on the foot of the follower.
AngryRabbi: If you were a condom I would notice upon using you that you are made from sheep skin, break easy, don't fit well, and do nothing to stop the transmission of any STDs nor are you spermicidal.
Danny Manic: If you were a movie extra I'd notice that you walked by nervously and woodenly, and actually had the lack of common sense to look over directly into the camera, thereby totally destroying the suspension of disbelief.
AngryRabbi: If you were the lighting director for a stage production of "Music Man" I would find your use of light to be mediocre and in the second act some characters can't be picked up by the spot light due to bad placement.

Danny Manic: You had better not take any chances.
Danny Manic: Better hadn't you?
Danny Manic: I mean better hadn't not you?
Amadopolis: I had better had.
Amadopolis: No, I mean:
Amadopolis: I had better have.
Amadopolis: I had better have had.
Amadopolis: There.
Danny Manic: Yeah, you had better had better have had!
Danny Manic: I had better sign off and do my homework, better hadn't I?
Amadopolis: You'd've better should.